Posted by reviewer | Posted in Author Blog | Posted on 09-06-2010
My Smutty Mouth
by Kate Kaynak
I write YA books, which generally have two features that distinguish them from books for adults.
1) the main character is a teenager.
2) there’s NO SEX OR PROFANITY. Or, if there is, it’s rare and toned-down.
I’m pretty cognizant of these things when I write, or when I post things online. I don’t want to have my plans for literary world domination derailed by a viral YouTube post of me drunk, half-naked, painted blue, and screaming obscenities at a collection of nuns, cops, and large-eyed orphan children.
So it’s a good thing that wasn’t caught on video.
Uh, I mean–so it’s a good thing I’d never do that (they weren’t real nuns).
You therefore can imagine my surprise this weekend when I tried to update my Amazon profile. They have me listed as: Kate “The Disgruntled Bear.” Strangely enough, they put a little badge next to it, indicating that this is my “real name.”
Maybe it could be my Indian name, if “Screams at Fake Nuns” is already taken.
So, I clicked the submission button and received an error message:
“Amazon does not allow profanity in their user profiles.”
At first, I thought I’d made some sort of Freudian slip. In the early 1990s, whenever I’d write something about a “floppy disk,” I had an obsessive fear that I’d accidentally replace the “s” in “disk” with a “c.”
Slide your floppy disk in here.
Is your floppy disk full?
Floppy disks spread viruses.
So, I re-read my entry carefully, trying to spot my typo:
“My first novel, Minder, comes out in June of 2010. It’s YA-fantasy/paranormal-romance. If you like YA-fan-par-rom, check it out! I’ll have fun stuff and giveaways on Ganzfield.com, too.”
All I can figure is that “YA-fan-par-rom” is an obscure freakiness. What could it be? A fetish for clowns? The desire to lick the blades of a moving ceiling fan? Or maybe it involves something truly kinky, like a bizarre attraction to Civil War re-enactors.
I don’t know. So, if you figure out what I wrote that triggered Amazon’s profanity censors, please contact me. I’ll still be here, trying to figure out if “poking” someone on Facebook violates my marriage vows.
Copyright © 2010 by Kate Kaynak
SUMMARY: A misunderstanding on Amazon makes me question my PG-rating.
KEYWORDS: Amazon, Facebook, young adult, floppy disk, fake nuns, clown fetish, Civil War re-enactors
An earlier version of this article appeared on The Disgruntled Bear on Monday, March 15, 2010.